Currently, I have a backlog of horrible boxes and nothing on the terrific side (beyond repeating arcade fliers I recently praised in my Looking Back pieces), so we’ll discuss four buggers of box art bodacious-ness today for fun.
Knight’s Contract (Xbox 360, Bandai)
At first glance, there doesn’t seem to be anything terribly wrong with this box. Generic beefy hero and scantily-clad vixen seem pretty harmless. It’s the bottom of the box that’s the problem. We have two identical monsters, flipped and repasted, for maximum laziness. They don’t even take the different lighting into account on either of them. That’s sloppy work, Bandai. So, ho-hum heroes, duplicated beasts, unimaginative effort.
Hunter (Amiga, Activision)
A decent attempt at capturing spy action, Activision, but it’s still pretty dull to look at. Blueprints, fuzzy photos and a floppy disc with a generic (word of the day?) label on it doesn’t really inspire me to take note of your game. Even the two bullets fail to capture my attention. I’ve definitely seen better,
Lone Solider (Japanese, PS1, Virgin Interactive)
The last two are Japanese boxes of fail. I have a sneaking hunch this box flopped horrifically in Japan. It’s tailored for American audiences, and it’s not that spectacular to begin with. I know this is PS1-era polygons here, but at the very least they should hide their model tears a little better (see below the pecs). Where’s his left arm? Why does he have a crosshair on his cardboard UZI? Why such a terrible haircut? This piece blows it as many ways as it can, that it does.
Puzzle Bobble DS (DS, Taito)
I’m sorry, but I am not buying a game with a dinosaur taking a difficult shit on it, no matter how cute is. I even like the Bubble Bobble/Puzzle Bobble designs. But I have to draw the line somewhere. This is gross. XD